Preached Sunday, June 2, 2013 from 1 Peter 3:1-6
Theme: Believing wives are to ‘beautify the gospel’ through God-honoring submission toward their own husbands.
(Unless otherwise noted, all Scripture references are taken from The Holy Bible, New King James Version; copyright 1982, Thomas Nelson, Inc.)
As we open our Bibles this morning, I need to let you know that I take up our passage with an unusual amount of care. I don’t suppose that there is a passage of Scripture that has been more misused and misapplied to the hurt of our dear sisters in the Lord than our passage today.
I’m talking about the passage in 1 Peter 3 in which the apostle Peter instructs wives within the church to be submitted to their own husbands. The potential that hurtful misunderstandings and offenses could occur from preaching this passage is very great. But I’m going to trust in the Holy Spirit—who inspired these words—to help me this morning. And I am also going to hope that, as your pastor and a preacher, I have earned your trust over the years; and that you will know my desire to balance my commitment to the full authority of God’s word with due gentleness toward all of God’s people.
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I didn’t feel that it would be wise for me, as a man, to just sit in my study and write a sermon like this. So I consulted with a dear sister in the Lord about this morning’s passage—someone whose opinion I greatly respect. I read the passage to her and asked what advice she would give. And right away, she said that it would be very important that this morning’s passage be put in its proper context. I agree. So, let’s begin by doing just that.
The apostle Peter was writing to Jewish Christians who were suffering persecution for their faith. And among other things, he urged these suffering Christians to pay very careful attention to the way they lived before the watching world. In 1 Peter 2:11-12, Peter refers to unbelieving people figuratively as “Gentiles”; and he wrote:
Beloved, I beg you as sojourners and pilgrims, abstain from fleshly lusts which war against the soul, having your conduct honorable among the Gentiles, that when they speak against you as evildoers, they may, by your good works which they observe, glorify God in the day of visitation (1 Peter 2:11-12).
God graciously redeems sinners such as us from out of fallen humanity, washes us clean of our sins by the blood of His Son Jesus Christ, and then calls us to continue living in the midst of the very same fallen world from out of which He redeemed us. But He calls us to now live distinct and holy lives as His redeemed people; so that we can bear testimony to the unbelieving people around us of our Savior. As our Lord put it, “Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven” (Matthew 5:16).
You see; as Christians, we are to be ‘living advertisements’ of the life-changing power of the gospel of Jesus Christ. We need to live carefully in every area of life; because the unbelieving people of this world are constantly watching us—looking to see whether or not our faith is genuine, and our message is true, and our Savior truly is the Son of God who saves those who trust Him. Sadly, many professing Christians turn unbelieving people away from the gospel by the way they live. They allow sinful practices to take root in their daily conduct; or they talk in the foul language, or speak evil of others; or they embrace the values and attitudes and beliefs of the sinful world around them. And when the unbelieving people of this world see that—when they see Christians living no differently than they do, or even worse than they do—why would they want to hear anything about the Jesus that we profess to follow? We must live very carefully! We must make sure, as Peter puts it, to have our conduct ‘honorable among the Gentiles’.
One of the most important ways that we stand out from the people of this world and demonstrate ‘honorable conduct’ is by being properly and respectfully submissive—with all reverence toward God—in the various relationships in which God has placed us. Peter talks much about this in his letter. In 2:12-17 for example, he wrote about how we are to be submissive to government and to civil leaders. He wrote;
Therefore submit yourselves to every ordinance of man for the Lord’s sake, whether to the king as supreme, or to governors, as to those who are sent by him for the punishment of evildoers and for the praise of those who do good. For this is the will of God, that by doing good you may put to silence the ignorance of foolish men—as free, yet not using liberty as a cloak for vice, but as bondservants of God. Honor all people. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honor the king (vv. 13-17).
Then, in verses 18-20, he went on to speak about how we are to be submissive in our work relationships. He wrote;
Servants, be submissive to your masters with all fear, not only to the good and gentle, but also to the harsh. For this is commendable, if because of conscience toward God one endures grief, suffering wrongfully. For what credit is it if, when you are beaten for your faults, you take it patiently? But when you do good and suffer, if you take it patiently, this is commendable before God.
He even pointed to the Lord Jesus, in verses 21-25, as our great example of humble submission. Just as our Lord submitted Himself to the will of the Father, so are we. We honor the Father by submitting ourselves properly to the human relationships that He places us in.
And then, at the beginning of the third chapter, the apostle Peter takes up this same subject—respectful, God-honoring submissiveness—as it relates to the home. And he begins by writing;
Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear. Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel—rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God. For in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves, being submissive to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, whose daughters you are if you do good and are not afraid with any terror (1 Peter 3:1-6).
Now; do you see that word “likewise” at the beginning? That puts Peter’s instructions to believing wives in the larger context of the call for all of us—as Christians—to honor God by being properly submissive in the different relationships He places us in. When we do so consistently in all areas of life, we exhibit a conduct that is ‘honorable’ in the sight of unbelieving people.
There’s something else important to point out about this passage. Do you see that this is specifically calling wives to be “submissive” to their “own husbands”? I can’t stress the enough the importance of that phrase “their own”. This is not a command—as some people have wrongly characterize it—for women be in submission to men. I have read through the Bible many times; and I know of no command anywhere in the Bible that says women are to be in submission to men. Nor do I know of a command in Scripture that says that wives (plural) are to be in submission to husbands (plural). This is a command that concerns submission in one relationship only—a wife to her own particular husband.
I believe that it would be very wrong to ignore or reject this word of instruction from Scripture. In fact, I believe it would be an act of rebellion against God to do so. But I also believe that it would be just as wrong—and just as much an act of rebellion against God—to stretch this passage beyond its God-given intention, and to use it to place women into a second-class status under men in God’s household. Many have sought to do so; and they have acted unjustly when they did. Women are not in a class under men. In the household of faith, women are on equal standing with men. I believe that’s exactly what the Bible mean when it says, “There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus” (Galatians 3:28).
Submission, then, does not mean inferiority. Submission means a reverent obedience to our calling in God-appointed relationships. And this passage is speaking of submission in one relationship only—the wife to her own husband. And if I may add one more thing—I believe that, far from suggesting the inferiority of a wife to her husband, this passage highlights the power of her influence. She is called by God’s word to submit to her own husband because, when she does so, she becomes an instrument of God in the cause of expanding the kingdom of Jesus Christ.
I think of this passage as having to do with what I like to call ‘beautiful conduct’. And it has implications not only for wives, but also for our sisters in Christ who are single, or divorced, or widowed. In fact, it illustrates ‘beautiful conduct’ for all who are in Christ—whether men or women. It shows us this by teaching that believing wives ‘beautify the gospel’ through God-honoring submission toward their own husbands; and they thus open the door of opportunity for others to be drawn in faith to the Lord Jesus Christ and be saved by Him.
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So; with all that in mind, let’s look a little closer at this passage. First, let’s notice . . .
1. THE POWER OF ‘BEAUTIFUL CONDUCT’ (vv. 1-2).
Peter writes; “Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear” (vv. 1-2).
Before we consider the power of ‘beautiful conduct’ on the part of a wife to influence her husband for the gospel, I’d like us to take a moment to consider those last few words in verse 2: “accompanied by fear”. They are easily misunderstood—and that misunderstanding highlights what I believe is a big reason why some might pull-back from this word of instruction.
I’m supposing one big reason why this would be a hard command to keep—and a very understandable reason, I might add—is fear. For some women among us—some of whom have endured horrific and unspeakable experiences of cruelty and abuse at the hand of some of the men in their lives—the very thought of yielding “submission” to their own husbands is something that evokes terror. Perhaps this very passage was sometimes used to beat them down—both physically and psychologically—into inferiority and servitude. And if that’s your case today, I hope you know that—as much as it is possible for me to do so—I am sympathetic toward that fear. I believe that the whole household of God should be sympathetic and understanding toward it. We can’t be much of a healing place if we fail to do so. For other women among us, it’s difficult because the men in their lives have had a history of making unwise and reckless decisions—leading their families in wrong, or harmful, or sometimes even criminal directions; or reducing their households to poverty by wasteful and self-indulgent living. When a woman has experiences like that in her background, it’d be hard to blame her for being “afraid” of submitting to her own husband. Who knows what he might do?
But I hope it helps to point out that the “fear” that Peter is speaking of in verse two—when he says “accompanied by fear”—is not a negative-kind of fear of people in general, or even of one’s own husband in particular. Rather, it’s speaking of the positive-kind of fear of God. “Fear”, in fact, may not even be the best word to translate what it is that Peter is talking about. Instead, I believe it would be best to think of it as an attitude of reverential awe and respect and deep love toward the majesty of God. It has to do with submitting out of—as Peter puts it in 2:19—”conscience toward God”. It’s speaking of a healthy, reverent “fear” of God.
I remember hearing one Bible teacher, many years ago, putting it this way: It’s almost like a wife is making a deal with God. It would be as if God was telling her, “In genuine love and reverent fear of Me, My dear child, submit yourself to your own husband. And don’t be afraid of how he may use his role unwisely. He may do so. But I am your protector and defender. If you obey Me, you can trust Me to keep My promise to cause all thing—even the failures of your husband—to work together for good in My purposes for both you and him. You do your part, dear daughter of Mine; and trust that I will do My part for you.”
Obedience to this word of instruction involves a ‘deal’ that a believing woman strikes, not with her husband, but with God Himself. And viewed in that way, I suggest to you that such submission—first to God, and then to those roles and relationships that He places over us—doesn’t lead to weakness and vulnerability at all. Far from it! It leads to great strength! When you do as Peter says in this passage and conduct yourself in a “chaste” way—that is, in a way that is pure an innocent—and accompany that chaste conduct with a reverential fear of the mighty God who truly is there and who is your mighty Defender and Protector, then you are in the greatest position of strength possible.
And this—by the working of God—bears a powerful influence on even an unbelieving husband. Peter calls him a husband who does not “obey the word”. He doesn’t believe the gospel. And yet, when even such a husband as that sees that his wife is strong and confident in God with respect to her submission to Him; when he sees that she is submitted to him because she is first submitted to God, and that she honors and respects his role out of reverence toward the God who watches out for her; and that she will submit to her husband only in such a way as remains faithful to her primary submission to God—then her conduct is bearing witness of Christ to her husband.
“Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear.” That’s the power of ‘beautiful conduct’. I hope, dear sisters in Christ, you will appreciate the great potential for influence that God has placed into your hands through it!
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Second, I ask that you notice . . .
2. THE NATURE OF ‘BEAUTIFUL CONDUCT’ (vv. 3-4).
What exactly does this “chaste conduct” look like? Peter goes on to say; “Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel—rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God” (vv. 3-4).
My wife was pointing out to me the other day the valuable ministry that Lisa Chan—the wife of the well-known pastor Francis Chan—is having toward young believing women in our culture. Many of young women today are almost helplessly caught-up in the relentless and self-destructive pursuit of unrealistic standards of beauty. She is helping them overcome the harmful things that happen in their soul when they try to measure-up to such ever-escalating standards of popular fashion. She reminds women of what it says at the end of Proverbs 31—”Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, but a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised”. As this passage shows us, ‘outward adornment’ is not were true beauty is to be found.
But again, this same passage has been misinterpreted and misapplied by some; and has been used at times to make some women feel as if it were wrong and “worldly” to pursue beauty at all. As that dear sister that I mentioned earlier reminded me, the ‘virtuous woman’ of Proverbs 31—a woman who was outstanding in so many different ways—was also a woman who made herself beautiful. We’re told, “She makes tapestry for herself; her clothing is fine linen and purple” (Proverbs 31:22). That describes garments of high quality. As the next verse tells us, her husband was “known at the gates”—that is, at the places of social honor. No doubt she—to some degree—helped make him honorable by the fact that he was married to a woman who had made herself beautiful!
This passage shouldn’t be used, then, to forbid such things as “arranging the hair”, or “wearing gold”, or “putting on fine apparel”. In fact, if a husband loves his wife as Jesus loves His church, he’ll do as Jesus does toward His Bride. The Bible tells us that He seeks to “present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish” (Ephesians 5:27). A good husband should give his wife all that she desires in order to make herself beautiful for him. He’s just plain smart if he does so! But as this passage reminds us, it’s not in those outward things that real, lasting beauty is achieved. It’s in the area of conduct before God. I appreciate that the translation of the Bible I’m using inserts the word “merely” when it says, “Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel . . .” (v. 3).
That’s how the world views “beauty”—merely in terms of the externals. I had a conversation with my wife about this subject. What is it that the pursuit of a strictly-external beauty is hoping to achieve? Isn’t it that others will be drawn to one’s ‘self’? She pointed out that sometimes that self-focus is immorally motivated—as implied by the way the people of this world often parallel “beauty” with the idea of being “sexy”. But the nature of true “beauty” as God Himself views it—a beauty that has its focus on the internal qualities of the heart and that shows itself in ‘beautiful conduct’—is about drawing the attention to Him and being pleasing Him! Peter writes; “rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God” (v. 4). Peter calls this an “incorruptible beauty”—an unfading and imperishable beauty that is pleasing to God—a beauty that will endure forever in heavenly reward.
May I point out one more thing? Peter says that this beauty shows itself in “a gentle and quiet spirit”; and this, again, does not suggest weakness. Rather, it suggests great strength. It’s not appropriate to describe someone who is weak as “gentle”. Saying that someone is “gentle” suggests that they actually have the capacity of being harsh and destructive if they wanted to be—but that it’s a capacity that she chooses not to use. Nor would it be appropriate to say that someone who is fearful and timid has a “quite spirit”. A “quiet spirit” implies that someone can put others in their place if she wanted to—but who chooses not to.
Dear believing wives; “Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel—rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God.” This is the nature of ‘beautiful conduct’. It’s a beauty that pleases God—and that, when properly pursued, accomplishes something eternal.
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Finally, let’s notice . . .
3. THE MODELS OF ‘BEAUTIFUL CONDUCT’ (vv. 5-6).
Just as in our culture, when ideals of outward ‘beauty’ are advertised by professional models, God has give us ‘models’ of the “incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit” that is precious in His sight. Peter writes; “For in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves, being submissive to their own husbands . . .” (v. 5).
Peter wrote these words to Christians who were Jewish. They would have known the Old Testament Scriptures very well; and they would have, in their minds, gone back to the stories they had learned from childhood of the great heroines of faith. But Peter holds one woman up above them all as an example of the sort of ‘beautiful conduct’ that he is urging believing women to embrace. She was the mother of the Jewish people. Peter writes, “as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord . . .” (v. 6a).
When did Sarah do this? It appears that it was back at a time when she and Abraham were childless; and when they were well past the years of childbirth. God had made a promise to Abraham that he would be made into a great nation; and yet, no child had yet been born to them. They tried ‘helping’ God out along the way. They suggested that they could adopt Abraham’s servant as a son; but God rejected that idea. They even tried to have a child for Abraham through Sarah’s handmaiden; but that was not God’s will.
Finally God Himself appeared to Abraham—along with some of His angels—in the form of some visiting travelers. God told Abraham, “I will certainly return to you according to the time of life, and behold Sarah your wife shall have a son.” Sarah was listening through the door of the tent; and she laughed within herself when she heard this. She said, “After I have grown old, shall I have pleasure, my lord being old also?” (Genesis 18:12). You, of course, know the rest of the story. Sarah did indeed laugh again—later on, as she held her newborn baby Isaac in her arms. God kept His promise. But it must be that, in the mind of the Jewish people, it stood out that Sarah called her husband “lord”.
It stands out to us today, too. You’d hardly think today—in our culture—of a wife calling her husband ‘lord’. In fact, if you heard her say it, you’d be a little concerned for her. I am in no way suggesting that such a thing be done today. But what Peter was saying in this is that Sarah—the great mother of the Jewish people, and the wife of a great man of faith—displayed this very same “gentle and quiet spirit” toward Abraham in in that way. She called him ‘lord’—even at times when her faith must have been tested. She exhibited ‘beautiful conduct’ in her submission toward her husband. And Peter goes on to tell believing wives to consider the example of Sarah; “whose daughters you are if you do good and are not afraid with any terror” (v. 6b). If they do good and rightly fear God, no believing wife ever has need to be afraid with any circumstances. God will take care of her.
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Now; Peter goes on from there—in the next verse—to give instructions to the husband. He too is to be submissive to God in his treatment of his wife. Submission to God is to occur on both sides of the marriage. And if a man loves his own wife as he should before God, and if a woman loves her own husband as she should before God, that mutual submission to God becomes a joy to experience—and a great witness to the world.
But dear sisters in Christ; I ask you to consider how God would want you to pursue true beauty in His sight—the inner beauty that never fades away and that is pleasing to God. Seek a gentle and quiet spirit in reverence toward God. And dear believing wives specifically, I ask you to consider how God would have you demonstrate that ‘beautiful conduct’ in your submission to God, and ‘beautify the gospel’ through God-honoring submission toward your own husbands.
The people of this world are watching us. May they see Christ in us.