Message preached Sunday, May 1, 2016 from Mark 10:10-12
Theme: The true nature of the marriage bond is such that it cannot be broken without violating the intent of its Creator.
(Unless otherwise noted, all Scripture references are taken from The Holy Bible, New King James Version; copyright 1982, Thomas Nelson, Inc.)
We come this morning, in our study of the Gospel of Mark, to a very sensitive subject. It’s our Lord’s teaching on divorce and remarriage.
Over the past forty three years that I have been a follower of Jesus and have been involved in church life, I have witnessed a remarkable change. It used to be that divorce was generally viewed as a rather rare thing—not only within the church but outside the church as well. But as I have been given the privilege of teaching and preaching in church ministry over the years, I have found increasingly that—whenever I come to the Bible’s teaching on this subject—I’m conscious of how many people there are who are sitting in the congregation of the church that have been touched personally by divorce. And it seems that, nowadays, it’s rare to find someone that hasn’t been touched by it in a deep, and personal, and very painful way. I have talked with other pastors on this subject; and we’ve all pretty much said the same thing: that because of the beloved friends involved, and because of the complexities of the various situations they’re in, ‘divorce and remarriage’ issues present us with some of the most perplexing problems we face in ministry.
But I take comfort in remembering that the majority of the New Testament’s teaching on this painful subject comes from the lips of Someone who loves us very much. No one has spoken more in the Bible about this difficult subject than the Lord Jesus Christ Himself. It’s true that He has said some things on the subject that are hard for some to swallow—things that run in diametric opposition to contemporary thought and current sensitivities. But He said these things authoritatively as the Son of God in human flesh—and in the context of His having graciously died on the cross to save us from our sins.
I’m saying all this to assure you that I know how sensitive an issue this is. And I’m sure that we all bring our own personal feelings and experiences with us this morning as we examine what Jesus said about this subject. But my hope and prayer is that those feelings and experiences will not be the standard by which we judge what He said. Rather, let’s make it our commitment to let what our Lord and Master says be the standard; and to allow our feelings and experiences and beliefs to be put into proper perspective by His words.
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Now; we began addressing this subject last week. In the tenth chapter of the Gospel of Mark, we saw that Jesus was confronted with the question of divorce and remarriage. Mark tells us;
Then He arose from there and came to the region of Judea by the other side of the Jordan. And multitudes gathered to Him again, and as He was accustomed, He taught them again. The Pharisees came and asked Him, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?” testing Him (Mark 10:1-2).
We talked last week about how this was clearly a trap that the Pharisees were setting for Him. Divorce was a controversial subject in those days; and they were trying to get Him caught up in the controversy in order to discredit Him. And do you remember how wisely He answered? He responded by asking them a question that pointed their attention back to the Scriptures.
And He answered and said to them, “What did Moses command you?” They said, “Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce, and to dismiss her.” And Jesus answered and said to them, “Because of the hardness of your heart he wrote you this precept (vv. 3-5).
And then, we saw how He took them all the way back to the first few pages of Scripture—back to Genesis 1 and 2; and to God’s original design and intention for marriage. He said;
But from the beginning of the creation, God ‘made them male and female.’ ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’; so then they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate” (vv. 7-9).
We ended our time last week by affirming that many perplexing questions in life get cleared up when we go back to the beginnings of Scripture—and to God’s original design for humanity.
But that’s when we come to our passage this morning. Apparently, even though Jesus spoke clearly on the matter to the Pharisees, things weren’t entirely cleared up for His disciples. We’re told in verse 10;
In the house His disciples also asked Him again about the same matter (v. 10).
By the way; may I just pause here for a moment to point out something? In the difficult questions of life, as Jesus’ followers, that’s how we get the more complete answers to the questions of life. We get them by getting alone with Jesus and asking Him. He doesn’t want us, as His beloved ones, to be perplexed by the struggles of life in the same way that the rest of the world is perplexed. We’re promised in the Bible that, if we lack wisdom about the hard issues of life, we can ask God for wisdom; “who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him” (James 1:5). It’s our privilege, as children of our heavenly Father by faith in Jesus, to ask more and go deeper. We may not get all the answers we want from Him; but we get those answers that we truly need.
So; when they were alone with Him, they asked again about the matter of divorce. And Mark goes on to tell us that Jesus said something to them that—quite frankly—we would never have known, or even imagined to have been the case, unless the Lord Jesus had told us;
So He said to them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her. And if a woman divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery” (vv. 11-12).
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I hope you’ll allow me to take our Lord’s words apart a bit and examine them. First, notice who it is that Jesus is speaking about. Jesus says, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another . . .” This means that the moral principle He is establishing is universal in its application. It applies to any man who divorces his wife. And it must have been surprising to His disciples that He would then go on and do this; but He also applied the same principle to women. He said, “And if a woman divorces her husband . . .” This would have been unusual; because ordinarily in that time and in that culture, only the husband could write a certificate of divorce to his wife.
Second, notice what situation it is that He is speaking of. Our Lord’s words aren’t just about divorce; but, more specifically, about the remarriage—or the remarriages—that might follow after that divorce. He spoke of whoever divorces—whether the husband or the wife—”and marries another . . .” His focus in these words, then, is more upon the formation of a second union than it was on the dissolving of the first union. The Bible, of course, teaches us that a divorce is never God’s desire. As Jesus showed us by pointing back to the Genesis story, divorce is contrary to His original design for marriage—which is the joining together of a man and a woman into a permanent “one flesh” union. In fact, we’re told very plainly in Malachi 2:16 that God hates divorce. As Jesus also made clear, even though it is never God’s desire, He nevertheless permits divorce in some cases. But in these two verses before us, Jesus’ main concern is the idea of the ‘marrying of another’ after a divorce had occurred.
And finally, notice what He said about it. Such a remarriage—and the attempt to join together into another “one flesh” union—involves the act of committing adultery. He is saying that, even though a legal divorce may have occurred in the sight of men, the marriage covenant actually still remained intact in the sight of God; and to then join one’s self to another actually involves the violation of that “one flesh” covenant with the introduction of a third party.
It’s important to pause here and remember that the Lord Jesus Himself allowed for one important exception to this. In fact, Bible teachers often refer to it as “the exception clause”. We find this in the Sermon on The Mount. In Matthew 5:31-32, Jesus said;
“Furthermore it has been said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’ But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery” (Matthew 5:31-32).
The word that’s translated “sexual immorality” is the Greek word porneia; and it’s a general word that speaks of any kind of sexual act or sexual relationship that God has forbidden in His word. It seems that only in the case of the violation of a marriage covenant through such sexual immorality or unfaithfulness is a divorce permitted in the earthly teaching of our Lord. It’s not ‘required’; but it is ‘permitted’. We’re told that He said the same sort of thing in Matthew’s Gospel. When Matthew tells the story of His confrontation with the Pharisees, we read that He told them;
“Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery” (Matthew 19:8-10).
So; Jesus—who spoke more in the Bible about divorce than anyone else—stressed three times this important exception; and said that anything beyond that would constitute adultery.
I believe it would also be important to point out that there’s one additional exception in the New Testament. It’s one that’s not referenced specifically in the earthly teaching of the Lord Jesus, but rather one that is given to us by the Holy Spirit through the apostle Paul. It has to do uniquely with people’s response to the preaching of the gospel; so it makes sense that the Holy Spirit would give this word of instruction to the church after the gospel had begun to be preached in this world.
Paul wrote to the Corinthian believers concerning marriage; and he made reference to Jesus’ teaching and told them;
Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband. But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife (1 Corinthians 7:10-11).
And up to that point, he was speaking of the things that Jesus had already said. But then, Paul goes on to speak about what happens when one partner in a marriage hears the gospel, accepts Christ as Savior and Lord, and becomes a believer—and the other does not. He wrote;
But to the rest I, not the Lord, say: If any brother has a wife who does not believe, and she is willing to live with him, let him not divorce her. And a woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live with her, let her not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband; otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy. But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace. For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife? (vv. 12-16).
Suppose that someone becomes a Christian; and their husband or wife does not—and perhaps even will not—share their new faith. If they nevertheless wish to stay with their Christian spouse—which, thankfully, is very often the case—then the marriage is still to be regarded by the believer as a marriage in the sight of God; and they are to give themselves fully to it in obedience to Christ. But if that unbeliever so deeply resents their spouse’s new commitment to Jesus, and grows so hard in their heart against the faith, that they wish to leave their believing spouse or be joined to another; then—as sad a circumstance as that may be—the Christian is to allow them to do so. They are not to force their unbelieving partner to stay. In that case, as Paul puts it, the believing spouse is “not under bondage”. In such a case, the believer is free—if he or she wishes—to marry another; and they will not be guilty of committing adultery before God if they do so.
Those, then—to the best of my understanding—are the only two allowable exceptions in Scripture: (1) in the case, as our Lord taught, of “sexual immorality” on the part of one member of the marriage that clearly violates the marital covenant; and (2) in the case, as Paul taught, of an unbeliever wishing to depart from a Christian spouse. In any kind of case beyond those two, however, our Lord says:
“Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her. And if a woman divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.”
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Now; I realize what some of you might be thinking right now. You may be saying to yourself, “Well; if that’s true, then I know several married couples who are—according to Jesus—living in a state of adultery.” It might even be that some couples here this morning are saying, “This means that we have committed adultery by marrying each other.”
And if that’s the case, then that means that we have sinners in our midst this morning. Let me be the first to say, “Welcome to the club.” All of us, who come to Jesus, come as sinners. An I’m glad that Jesus loves and redeems and welcomes sinners; aren’t you? And I by no means believe that it would be God’s will that marriages that had been imperfectly or disobediently entered into in the past should now be dissolved. It would cause terrible harm to even suggest such a thing. Instead, I believe that God’s will in such cases is to remain where you are, allow God’s pardoning grace to prevail through Jesus Christ, stay together for the rest of your lives, and honor God with obedience in your marriage from this point on.
I believe what Jesus said to the woman caught in adultery would most certainly apply in such cases:
“Neither do I condemn you; go and sin no more” (John 8:11).
But this gives me the opportunity to take this whole conversation to a positive turn. The reason we need to treat divorce, and remarriage, and even the potential for adultery, as such an important thing is because of what marriage really is. You see; we often think that God created the institution of marriage between a man and a woman as a thing in and of itself. But what we often forget—or what some of us don’t even realize—is that marriage is meant to be a temporary symbol that represents something eternal. God designed marriage for the good and the happiness of people; but even more, He meant it to be a symbol of the eternal relationship of love that Jesus has with His church.
You can put it this way: Jesus’ eternal union with His redeemed church is the eternal reality, for which a husband’s and a wife’s marital union is the temporal illustration. That’s why it must be treated as a very sacred and special thing—neither to be casually entered into or broken, nor altered from its original design.
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Do you remember how Jesus took the Pharisees back to Genesis 1 and 2? Do you remember how He took them backward to God’s “original design”? Well; please allow me to now take things in the other direction. Let me take us forward in God’s plan for His redeemed people; so that we can look together at what His ultimate plan is for their complete union in Christ.
The first place I would go to for this is Ephesians 5. It’s in that passage the that apostle Paul was teaching his fellow Christians how to behave in their marriages. First, he spoke to the wives and told them:
Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything (Ephesians 5:22-24).
That’s Paul’s word to the wives. They need to behave toward their husbands according to the pattern of how the church is to behave toward the Lord. And to the husbands, he says much more. He writes;
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband (Ephesians 5:25-33).
And look at how, in those words, we’re told of Jesus’ deep sacrificial love for His church. He gave His life on the cross in order to redeem her to Himself. He washes her, and cleanses her, and gives His all to perfect her and beautify her for Himself. He loves the church as He loves His own body. Indeed, He considers the church to be His own body—of His flesh and His bones. And our relationship to one another as husbands and wives on earth is meant to be a picture of that pure and beautiful and holy relationship Jesus has with His church.
And do you know that that relationship will never change? Jesus will never ‘divorce’ His redeemed people—as imperfect and as fallible as they may be. Every time one of His redeemed followers turns from Him into sin—every time they ‘have a spiritual affair’ and cheat on Him—and then come back to Him and say, “I have sinned against You, Lord. I have turned from You and have been unfaithful to You”; He never rejects them. He doesn’t write them a certificate of divorce. Instead, He washes them clean, sets them back on their feet, wraps His arms of love around them, and says, “Neither do I condemn you; go and sin no more.”
He is the most faithful, loving, forgiving, devoted Husband that His beloved bride could ever have.
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Another passage I would go to is John 17. Oh, how I love that passage of Scripture! It’s the one in which we find our Lord’s wonderful prayer for us—for His redeemed ones. It tells us—in a stunning way—just how much He will be united with us in eternity. In fact, it tells us how deeply He desires that union.
He had been praying specifically for His apostles; and then, starting in verse 20, He prayed this:
“I do not pray for these alone, but also for those who will believe in Me through their word; that they all may be one, as You, Father, are in Me, and I in You; that they also may be one in Us, that the world may believe that You sent Me. And the glory which You gave Me I have given them, that they may be one just as We are one: I in them, and You in Me; that they may be made perfect in one, and that the world may know that You have sent Me, and have loved them as You have loved Me.
“Father, I desire that they also whom You gave Me may be with Me where I am, that they may behold My glory which You have given Me; for You loved Me before the foundation of the world. O righteous Father! The world has not known You, but I have known You; and these have known that You sent Me. And I have declared to them Your name, and will declare it, that the love with which You loved Me may be in them, and I in them” (John 17:20-26).
Look at what Jesus’ ‘marriage’ to His redeemed people means to Him! Look at how much He prays to be united with us! He wishes to bring us with Himself into the eternal union of love that He enjoyed eternally with the heavenly Father—the Father in Him; He in the Father; we as one with each other and one in the Father and the Son; Jesus in us; and the Father in Jesus—it strains language to express it! And He even wishes to have us behold His glory forever—the glory that He eternally had with the Father; even to the point of having us become sharers together with Him in that glory!
This is a bond of perfect, eternal love—a union at the deepest level that heaven or earth can know or imagine. Marriage on earth is only an imperfect picture of it; but it is indeed meant to be a picture of it!
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May I show you one more passage? It’s the one that’s found in Revelation 19—where we’re told about the great feast on the day of our wedding to our Savior!
The apostle John was given a vision of what happens at the close of the end-times events on earth. All of Jesus’ redeemed saints are with Him—awaiting with Him for the day of His return to this world. And we’re told;
And I heard, as it were, the voice of a great multitude, as the sound of many waters and as the sound of mighty thunderings, saying, “Alleluia! For the Lord God Omnipotent reigns! Let us be glad and rejoice and give Him glory, for the marriage of the Lamb has come, and His wife has made herself ready.” And to her it was granted to be arrayed in fine linen, clean and bright, for the fine linen is the righteous acts of the saints” (Revelation 19:6-8).
An angel stood by—revealing these things to John. And John said;
Then he said to me, “Write: ‘Blessed are those who are called to the marriage supper of the Lamb!’” And he said to me, “These are the true sayings of God” (v. 9).
That’s how Jesus views His marriage! He is utterly faithful to His bride! We are already His; but on that great wedding day, we will be united to Him in a relationship of love that will never end. You and I are not worthy of this. But He will be ‘married’ to us forever and will never, ever leave us for forsake us. We will never cease to be His.
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And now—with all that in mind—you can appreciate, with more meaning, what He meant when He told His disciples:
“Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her. And if a woman divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.”
To do such a thing is to act in utter contradiction to that glorious, eternal relationship that marriage is meant to illustrate.
I was talking with my own wife about this. She pointed out how, over the years, we’ve seen marriage—for some—become a cause for some of the deepest pain and heartache imaginable. But for others—ourselves included—we’ve seen it be the cause for some of the greatest joy and fulfillment we can have on earth. And do you know what it is that makes the difference? My wife and I both said it. It’s by both of us, each one, keeping Jesus first in our hearts. Keeping His ultimate ‘marriage’ to us first in our hearts and lives is what helps us to keep our earthly marriage to one another a joyful experience.
Do that—and I sincerely believe that you’ll never have to worry about the hard thing that Jesus talked about in this morning’s passage.